The Song of We Remember
The Song of We Remember
[This peculiar legend is said to originate with the Nords of the Broken Cape. The song was fairly popular among rustic bards at one point, though little trace remains of it today.]
... then came the time of the weird stars, when everything was topsy-turvy. We did not know up from down, but went in circles backward, our confusion-faces seeing only where we had already been. And this lasted for as many years as there are hand-widths in the great beam of Sovngarde. And the gods were all very sleepy, almost as sleepy as great Alduin, who is always sleepy, except when he is not, then, you best watch out! So the gods went to sleep on the cold floor of Sovngarde. And in place of the gods a great dragon awoke, this was not a new dragon, but a dragon made from all the bits and pieces of dragons we had already destroyed, so long ago. And the dragon had eight heads, it was a very ugly dragon!
We were in a lot of trouble because of this dragon, and none of the gods there to help us out! But luckily we were aided by a shining star, who was a big blue woman and she shone like a star. The Nord warriors loved to see her! They were all enamored, but with Dibella fast asleep they [...text lost...] so it was very important to wake the gods back up and defeat that dragon.
At first we decided to make as much noise as possible, to chase the weird stars away and wake the gods back up. But the backwards days confused us, so that we could not agree on a date! Some said we should do it on South Wind's Day, but the South Wind had gotten lost in the woods of last year. They waited and waited for wind, a very long time, and in the end all those who waited turned into stones. And that's where the Stones Standing of Wuurthal come from.
Others said we should do it on the commemoration of Herrad's Victory over the Western Elves. However, Herrad was not even born yet! Herrad was very angry and confused to hear this. He complained about this to the clever-men, but they pretended not to see him because there was at that time a common superstition that forbade clever-men from talking to unborn warriors (it has since been allowed).
Still others said that we should keep it simple and make the noise next Shor's Day. Of course that week it was Shor's Day every day, so everybody came out on a different day and made too little noise to wake anybody except their neighbors, who were very cross with them, and this led to a lot of blood-feuds.
We then came up with a second plan, which was to shoot a burning arrow into Sovngarde to wake the gods up. It was Ulf who invented this plan. According to Ulf, the warmth and smoke of the arrow would wake the gods back up, whereupon Kyne could put it out with a storm, and everything would be fine. It was a very stupid plan.
Ulf went to the clever-men at Haafingar to borrow Telhms' Arkha, the great bow made from Telhm's oar with which he rowed all across the Sea of Ghosts. And normally the clever-men would have beaten Ulf with a stick for even asking such a thing, but they had all walked backwards the wrong way and turned into babies. So Ulf simply took the bow without problems.
Next, he had to find a way into the hall of the gods. Back in those days it was very easy to find a door into Sovngarde, there were lots of them all over the place. Lazy hearth-wives threw the bones of their meal into a death-door rather than bury them, and little children kicked rocks through them until Tsun would come out to scold them. Luckily he was asleep, for he would have done more than scold Ulf for his stupid plan!
Ulf chose the door at Wolin's Head, and with sure aim he shot a flaming arrow into the realm of the dead. In no time, all of Shor's Hall was on fire -- and still the gods did not wake up! Then we became afraid, because can you imagine how much trouble we would have been in if we had burned down Sovngarde? We would have been in big trouble.
Luckily, great Alduin (still fast asleep despite all this noise and commotion) exhaled just then, and his mighty dragon's yawn blew out the flames. And that is why the doors to Sovngarde are now very well hidden, so that fools cannot find them and also so that people will stop using them to dispose of garbage, that is not what they are there for.
Finally, the big blue star-woman spoke up. Her name was Moly. She said to the gathered warriors: "You are all very brave and make clever plans, I can tell. I would not just say that to spare your feelings. I am a star-woman and we don't have feelings." The warriors all agreed that their plans were clever and they were brave. "However," she continued, "instead of trying to wake the gods to do your fighting for you, why not fight that ugly dragon yourself? After all, you are the brave Nords, so strong -- and handsome, by the way."
This was a very good plan. So we girded themselves for war, took up our finest armor and sharpest weapons, and made ready to face the vile monstrosity.
Still, some subtle part of this plan had escaped us, since instead of defeating the beast and restoring the proper way of time, the dragon simply roared once, and with a great jet of flame burned all the Nordic warriors to ash. What misfortune! All the Nords were dead! Some said this was worse than burning Sovngarde, but others said that it wasn't that bad, because if Sovngarde had burned while they were alive, they would have been held responsible, but now it was the other way around nobody was going to blame them for nothing.
Luckily, the Nords had the blue star-woman on their side, who knew a thing or two about the way the weird star time worked. So instead of mourning the many Nordic heroes who had been killed, she simply walked to a place where all this hadn't happened yet. There, she found the army of the Nords unharmed. "Well?" She said. "What are you waiting for? That dragon won't kill itself, you know." And so the Nords fell upon the beast again, and again they were destroyed to the last man.
And again the blue star-woman went to a place where the calamity had not yet occurred, and again she spurred the Nords into action. And this went on for quite some time. And slowly the dragon grew weary, for even great dragons can only spew so much fire. And as it weakened, the Nords managed to cut it -- Once! Twice! Thrice! And the beast fell down. And we cleaved it with axes and hacked and bit until it was truly dead. And then, joyous occasion! The gods woke up again. The gods were of course embarrassed about falling asleep and almost letting the world end, so they acted like nothing happened. They didn't even complain about the fire damage in Shor's Hall (though you could tell they wanted to).
Sadly, the blue woman also had to go, for she could only exist in the time of weird stars. But she said she had a great time, and she promised to visit us again when someone manages to make a big mess of time. And then she was gone, and to be honest some of the warriors felt like she had kind of led them on. But it is unseemly to complain about the behavior of honored guests in clear distress, even if they somehow convince you to kill yourself an infinite number of times.
And that is how we Nords defeated the evil makepart dragon and restored the proper way of things. Of course, the people of the south claim that they ended the weird stars time, by having their old man council write down on a piece of paper when it should end. But I don't think you can kill a dragon with a piece of paper. It wouldn't be sharp enough.
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Nordic myth about the Middle Dawn. Not quite sure if I hit the right tone. Nordic mythology is also not my forte, so let me know if I made any blatant mistakes.