Vayatir Quest Showcase

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Vayatir
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Vayatir Quest Showcase

Post by Vayatir »

Hey! After playing Dragonstar, I was inspired to join the project. Finally stopped being lazy and made a quest showcase.

"Karlirah in Balmora has run foul of a local Camonna Tong member... go and see if there is anything you can do to help!"

This is a short quest largely using NPCs present in Vanilla that had nothing associated with them (although some custom NPCs were created too!). It features a route split choosing to side with one of two characters, with a 'stealth/diplomacy' related path and a 'combat' related path. As such it features two different endings. It's all centred in Balmora and is intended to be taken on at level 5 or so.

I have absolutely no experience with coding or scripting so this is my first time ever doing something like this. Hopefully it is enjoyable to whoever reviews!
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ShowcaseBurnADebt.ESP
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Dev Shah
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Post by Dev Shah »

I'm not a reviewer but I decided to take a look at your showcase! This is a little long, but only because everything was good and I had to nitpick some stuff! Here are some of my notes-

-Liked the quest and the premise a lot, and all the characters seemed to have a constant personality except for a couple lines.

-In topic 'debt with Tedryn', first she just assumes you would help her, and doesn't really ask, and secondly, the "have you dealt with Tedryn yet?..." seems too aggressive for someone you're doing a favour to, and kinda runs against her personality in the previous line. I suggest cutting the "no? then why are you still here?" part. This feels so jarring just because the rest of the dialogue is good.

-Tedryn's speaking style feels a bit odd, specially if you talk to him about 'latest rumors' again, he just returns to generic. If you want his style to be unique, i'd suggest adding 'short NoLore' in his script, so he doesn't use generic stuff.

-Just killing one of the thugs activates "I dealt with the thugs". And a suggestion, add "startcombat player" to the thugs when they spawn, so you don't have to go up first to deal with them.

-Killing Karliah even before talking to her about the debt also triggers the journal entry, but it shouldn't, as the player doesn't know about it yet.

-The script of the letter is kinda wonky, it causes errors when it works, and it doesn't work unless you put it into the ground and back up.

-The file isn't clean, some dialogue entries in greeting 1 and greeting 5 are dirtied, use https://www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/content/utility-tesame to clean it.

-For the thug script, you could update a global variable to increase by one when each dies, then update the journal when it's at 2.

-For the note, the OnActivate check and OnPCEquip check need to be in different blocks, i.e.
if ( OnActivate )
;do abc
endif
if ( OnPCEquip )
;do abc
endif
-Also, i recommend you indent if-endifs like this:
if abc
if xyz
;do stuff
endif
endif
so it gets easier to spot some errors, and it's a good practice in general

-Finally, there some minor grammatical errors, overall this had a lot less than what I had :D .

Journal
>"The thugs have been taken care of, I should speak with Karlirah again." needs a full stop instead of a comma
>"Tedryn was pleased with my work. He has rewarded me for my part in helping to resolve Karlirah's debt." was is past tense, and has rewarded is present, I suggest removing the has.
>"Karlirah was thankful that the immediate threat to her life had ended, but suggested she should leave Balmora for her own safety. She has given me a reward to thank me for my help." Same as above.
Topic "dept to Tedryn"
>"Thank you for your help with the matter. I am still making plans to move away in the long term, but I'll be here for a while yet if you still need anything." Remove yet.
> "Oh my, that was frightening.
*Karlirah takes a moment to compose herself*
I suppose this takes care of the debt, albeit not in the way I had intended. Thank you for your help, %PCName. I'm afraid I will have to start making arrangements to leave Balmora, I always feared it would come to this. Still, you solved the immediate problem, and for that I am grateful. It is not much, but please, take this. I wish you well in the future." * is used for emphasis in Morrowind, [] is used for actions. And the comma after Balmora should be a full stop.

Might've missed some, but this is all i found.

Vayatir
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Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 5:17 am

Post by Vayatir »

Hey! Thanks a lot for taking a look at my showcase. Glad to hear you enjoyed it and appreciate the feedback!

So funny enough, I did clean it out using TESAME... I just uploaded the uncleaned file instead of the cleaned one. Whoops!

I went through all of the changes you suggested and implemented them. Even got to learn how to make my own variable which was useful! The only problem I have is with the script for the note. I still can't get the on equip to work, meaning it only works if you drop it onto the ground and then activate it. I moved the on equip into a separate block as you suggested, but there is clearly still another problem I don't get after fiddling with it for a couple of hours.

EDIT: Shah helped me out on Discord and I managed to fix the issue with the note, so it should now work fine. Reuploaded the fixed file!
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Clean ShowcaseBurnADebt.ESP
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Rakanishu
SHotN Jarl of Questing
Posts: 581
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Post by Rakanishu »

I'll take a look at this either today or tomorrow

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Rakanishu
SHotN Jarl of Questing
Posts: 581
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:16 pm

Post by Rakanishu »

General Scripting:
Please use preferred syntax for script lines to prevent any odd errors; "set VAYThugsKilled to VAYThugsKilled + 1" should be "set VAYThugsKilled to ( VAYThugsKilled + 1 )"

KarlirahThugScript:
The "endif" on line 19 needs to be deleted and the block starting on line 21 moved up since it's an "else" check

VAYKarlirahScript:
This script is missing an "if" before the Journal check in the OnDeath block, as well as an "endif" for that block

General Journal:
Please try to avoid including suggestions to the player like "I should speak with Karlirah again." Journal entries should only include notes and observations

"debt to Tedyn":
It's not immediately clear to the player where Tedyn can be found. The general Balmora "Camonna Tong" entry that's linked from the "debt to Tedyn" entry suggests that the Tong can be found at the Council Club, but it's 1) a general city-wide entry and 2) requires raising her disposition which doesn't make sense in the context of her request. I'd suggest: 1) adding one more line to the "debt from Tedyn" entry that guesses/suggests where Tedyn could be found and 2) making a "Cammona Tong" entry for Karlirah

Vayatir
PT Modder
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Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 5:17 am

Post by Vayatir »

Made the changes to the scripts. Sorry if there are still issues, never done any sort of coding or scripting before so I am totally new to this. But I believe I got everything according to what you wrote.

Also updated the journal to remove suggestions and added the new dialogue for Karlirah.

Also recleaned it because apparently adding one new entry to the Camonna Tong topic dirties almost all the other ones, haha.
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Vayatir
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Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2021 5:17 am

Post by Vayatir »

Gave Tedryn and Karlirah relevant greetings for every quest stage.
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Clean ShowcaseBurnADebt3.ESP
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Rakanishu
SHotN Jarl of Questing
Posts: 581
Joined: Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:16 pm

Post by Rakanishu »

Looks good, you've got my recommendation for promotion. Welcome!

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roerich
Cruel Warlord
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Location: Denmark

Post by roerich »

Member promoted. Welcome to the team!

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