I'm not a reviewer but I decided to take a look at your showcase! This is a little long, but only because everything was good and I had to nitpick some stuff! Here are some of my notes-
-Liked the quest and the premise a lot, and all the characters seemed to have a constant personality except for a couple lines.
-In topic 'debt with Tedryn', first she just assumes you would help her, and doesn't really ask, and secondly, the "have you dealt with Tedryn yet?..." seems too aggressive for someone you're doing a favour to, and kinda runs against her personality in the previous line. I suggest cutting the "no? then why are you still here?" part. This feels so jarring just because the rest of the dialogue is good.
-Tedryn's speaking style feels a bit odd, specially if you talk to him about 'latest rumors' again, he just returns to generic. If you want his style to be unique, i'd suggest adding 'short NoLore' in his script, so he doesn't use generic stuff.
-Just killing one of the thugs activates "I dealt with the thugs". And a suggestion, add "startcombat player" to the thugs when they spawn, so you don't have to go up first to deal with them.
-Killing Karliah even before talking to her about the debt also triggers the journal entry, but it shouldn't, as the player doesn't know about it yet.
-The script of the letter is kinda wonky, it causes errors when it works, and it doesn't work unless you put it into the ground and back up.
-The file isn't clean, some dialogue entries in greeting 1 and greeting 5 are dirtied, use
https://www.tamriel-rebuilt.org/content/utility-tesame to clean it.
-For the thug script, you could update a global variable to increase by one when each dies, then update the journal when it's at 2.
-For the note, the OnActivate check and OnPCEquip check need to be in different blocks, i.e.
if ( OnActivate )
;do abc
endif
if ( OnPCEquip )
;do abc
endif
-Also, i recommend you indent if-endifs like this:
if abc
if xyz
;do stuff
endif
endif
so it gets easier to spot some errors, and it's a good practice in general
-Finally, there some minor grammatical errors, overall this had a lot less than what I had
.
Journal
>"The thugs have been taken care of, I should speak with Karlirah again." needs a full stop instead of a comma
>"Tedryn was pleased with my work. He has rewarded me for my part in helping to resolve Karlirah's debt." was is past tense, and has rewarded is present, I suggest removing the has.
>"Karlirah was thankful that the immediate threat to her life had ended, but suggested she should leave Balmora for her own safety. She has given me a reward to thank me for my help." Same as above.
Topic "dept to Tedryn"
>"Thank you for your help with the matter. I am still making plans to move away in the long term, but I'll be here for a while yet if you still need anything." Remove yet.
> "Oh my, that was frightening.
*Karlirah takes a moment to compose herself*
I suppose this takes care of the debt, albeit not in the way I had intended. Thank you for your help, %PCName. I'm afraid I will have to start making arrangements to leave Balmora, I always feared it would come to this. Still, you solved the immediate problem, and for that I am grateful. It is not much, but please, take this. I wish you well in the future." * is used for emphasis in Morrowind, [] is used for actions. And the comma after Balmora should be a full stop.
Might've missed some, but this is all i found.